...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
