have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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