Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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