Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
