So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
