Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I feel great
I just peed on a car
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
