I can text with my tongue
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
