This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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