So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm too high and old for this...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
