You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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