It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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