I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
