Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
