he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize