I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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