She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize