Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize