My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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