I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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