If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
