I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
