I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
