I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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