I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
