help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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