What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
