dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
