Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
