My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
50% drunk capacity currently
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
