The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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