I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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