I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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