last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's shark week go big or go home
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
