living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
