I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
