About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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