Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
