don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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