i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
