i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
