Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
