Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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