So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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