No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
