Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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