billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize