dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
