imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
