I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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