Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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