A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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