Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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