i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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