When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have aggressive nipples.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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