So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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