Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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