I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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