Me. At least after what I've been through.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
