smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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