someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
