Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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