So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
