But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
