I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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