I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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