i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
