bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
