maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
