and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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